


It's Killing Me to Love You

by dragonsandbooks



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I Don't Even Know, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Not beta'd we die like men, happy birthday bokuto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 23:37:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20750666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonsandbooks/pseuds/dragonsandbooks
Summary: based on a prompt from aprompt generator:B: I wish I knew what other people really thought of me, don't you?A: I guess so.A, internally: I love you, I love you, I'm in love with you so much it's killing me.





	It's Killing Me to Love You

**Author's Note:**

> meant to post this on bokuto's birthday but i got sick for two days and haven't gotten the time to finish it. it sucks tho so i apologize in advance.

"Hey, hey, Akaaaashi," Bokuto calls his name to get his attention. "Have you ever wondered what other people really think of you?" 

Keiji pauses, still holding a ball he's meant to put into the cart. They're the only ones left at the gym, all because Bokuto insists to stay for extra practice and Keiji, weak for Bokuto as he is, indulges him. The practice's running smoothly, if someone were to ask him, and they're about to be done now, so he doesn't know why his senior asks that out of the blue.

"Not really. I think it's useless to do that. No one can know what the other person thinks, at least not accurately. It's better to just ask them out right," Keiji answers honestly. "Is there something on your mind, Bokuto-san?"

"Nah. Just a passing thought. Like, what if someone on the team hates me because of my mood swings? It's stupid." The older boy tries to shrug it off. He pushes the cart to the storage room, seemingly trying to put an end to the conversation, but Keiji's hot on his heels.

"It's not stupid if it bothers you so much. But none of us hate you or think you're a burden, Bokuto-san," he tries to assure the wing spiker. 

"You've just said no one knows what others think accurately," Bokuto points out, turning around to smile at Keiji. 

Keiji opens his mouth, as if to rebut, but closes it again.

"Well, what do you really think of me, Akaashi?" He looks at the younger boy with hopeful gaze, awaiting his answer.

_ I love you, I love you, I'm in love with you so much it's killing me _, Keiji can't help but think. 

He doesn't voice his thought, though. 

"I think you're a great player and a good senior, Bokuto-san," is what he says instead. "And a good friend," he adds. 

Bokuto's smile widens, his eyes soften as he says, "You're a good friend too, Akaashi. And a great setter. I'm glad to know you."

"The feeling's mutual," Keiji softly mutters. Turning back to make his way to the door, he asks, "Shall we go home, Bokuto-san?" 

"Oh yeah, right. Let's go back, Akaashi."

…

"I wish I knew what other people really thought of me, don't you?" Bokuto whispers into the night air.

Keiji hears it loud and clear, but he lets the silence lingers for a little bit longer. They keep walking, hands sometimes brush against each other but none of them minds it, they relish in it even.

"No one will blame you for today's match, Bokuto-san," Keiji replies. "Overthinking it won't change anything."

Bokuto huffs a laugh. Strangely, he doesn't feel as down as usual, even though they've just lost in the semifinal. 

"You always know what to say, huh, Akaashi? It's like you know exactly what I'm thinking. Are you sure you can't read minds?" 

"I can't read minds, Bokuto-san," Keiji says simply. 

"Seems like it, though," Bokuto hums. "Ah, I really want to read your mind, too. What are you thinking about right now, Akaashi?" He turns his face to look at his setter, not paying any attention to where he's walking.

_ I love you, I love you, I'm in love with you so much I could die. That's what I really think of you. That's all I could think of you. _ The thought runs through Keiji's mind. 

"Bokuto-san, watch your steps," the second year chides as he walks just a tad faster. 

Left behind, Bokuto walks faster, trying to catch up. 

"Akaaaashi, wait for me," the older boy whines.

…

_ How can you still smile right now? _ Keiji can't help but think. He's already scared out of his wits, hands trembling as he holds onto Bokuto's for dear life.

The sound of the siren of the ambulance they're on are assaulting his ears. The voices of the medics are as loud but he can't decipher what they're saying. It's overwhelming.

A hand squeezes his. Keiji looks up, trying to offer a smile of his own but to no avail.

"Hey, Akaashi," Bokuto breathes out. It looks like it takes a toll on him just to call his name.

It pains Keiji to hear that.

"Yes, Bokuto-san?" He croaks out, his voice is as shaky as his hands.

"Have you ever wished you know what other people really think of you?" Bokuto asks, breaths uneven but a ghost of a smile's still intact.

"Bokuto-san, why are you asking that right now?" He asks back softly.

"Just answer me, Akaashi."

"I still think it's better to just ask."

"What if they lie?"

"They might do that," Keiji carefully answers. "I guess it also depends on how much you trust the other person, that you believe what they say is true. It's better than overthinking it." 

He can hear the medics saying something but right now his whole being is focused on Bokuto.

"Will you answer honestly then, if I ask you?" Bokuto asks, once again.

"Yes." 

"What do you really think of me, Akaashi? What do you feel?" 

_ I love you. _ That's the very first thought that appears in his mind. _ Should I say it? _

"I love you, Bokuto-san," Keiji says, so softly Bokuto almost doesn't catch it. "I'm in love with you so much I could die. I think I've been in love with you since the first time I saw you. I thought, no, I still think of you as a star."

A soft laugh. Keiji – who's been looking down at his own hands the entirety of his confession – looks up. The other boy's face doesn't look in pain, as if nothing had happened to him, though his laboured breath begs to differ.

"Sorry. I just– I always thought you don't feel the same." Bokuto explains, his eyes soften when he looks at Keiji. 

"Bokuto-san?" Keiji tries to ask, to clarify what he means. 

"I'm in love with you, too."

It's become a blur after that. 

Before Keiji can say something, they're already arrived at the hospital. They rush him in and Keiji's left in the lobby to wait.

His and Bokuto's parents come soon after. He's questioned by the police – with his mother by his side – but it doesn't take long as they just want his testimony. They even let him know the mugger has been caught. 

It's a waiting game and Keiji hates the feeling of helplessness it brings him.

When they see a doctor finally comes out, Bokuto's parents stand up, making their way to meet the doctor halfway. They just want to know their son's condition.

Keiji, too, stands up. But one look at the doctor's face makes him stop in his tracks.

_ No, it can't be. _

_ No. No. _

Though he doesn't want to believe, he still hears the doctor break the news to Bokuto's parents. He still hears Bokuto's mom's cry and his dad's sobs, holding his wife but is trying not to break down too.

Keiji feels numb.

...

_ Bokuto-san, I'm in love with you so much I wish you could still be here by my side. _

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to talk to me about bokuaka or hq in general on [twitter](https://twitter.com/avocadofrappe)!


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